New Social Art School Projects - Tillydrone Sarina
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Sarina at one of her many visits in the artist's flat, May 2007
Sarina mum
I met Sarina the first time in Tilly Youth Project and, since then, bump into her everywhere in the community. She’s one of the more talkative young women I’ve met here; it’s obvious to ask her for an interview. And she has the loveliest 20-month old baby girl, Danielle. Me, being old, with no children, no man and little time to go, I’m just interested. What’s it like being a single mum? Sarina is 19 years old.
When you were younger Tillydrone was ace, a great place! But now, when you’re older, you do recognise the carry-ons. But it is a good place. If I didnae like it I wouldnae be raising my daughter here, ken fit I mean? I was born and brought up in Gordon’s Mills Crescent. I grew up with my dad; he was a single dad. Aye nae a lot of men dee that, I’m kinda proud. He done the best he could, as any parent. He did hit the drink at one point, but up until then he was really good. So me and my brother moved in with my mum in Logie. It was all right. My friends were still here and I went to the same school. But I did start to hang out with people and went down the wrong road, or whatever. I ended up moving out of my mum’s and moved a bit from one person in the family to another, just jumping aboot really. Then I got a bed-sit in Baker’s Street on Rosemount; that was through a young people’s homeless project. And once I fell pregnant I got a bigger flat. They’ve got this scheme. When you’re homeless you cannae refuse a house because of an area. But it was good enough. I got a flat in Tillydrone Court. Aye, I like it. I would prefer if it was a bitty bigger. But, it’s fine; it’s just the two of us.
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The offers are absolutely brilliant here. When I first had Danielle I just sat with her, inside all the time. You lose your friends. Nae intentionally, you just kinda fade away and you dinnae really speak to them anymore. It was my mum who said, ‘Look there’s heaps of stuff that you should start going to.’ I talked to Herman at the Tilly Youth Project at first and then I went to the Community Flat. Now I use the crèche every morning, unless I’ve got to do something. On Mondays there’s a group for parents and toddlers. Tuesday is the Young Mums’ group at the Youth Project; one week you’ll do something with the bairn, the next week it’ll just be the mums. Wednesday I go to the project for Active Futures. Thursday I dee nathing! And Friday I’ve just started a computer class at the Community Flat. And on Saturdays, at the Lads’ Club there’s something for parents and kids; dance and arts and crafts. We were oot at Crathes Castle a few weeks ago. And there’s much more to do. I’ve met heaps of friends and I’ve learned so much about being a mother. Ken, things that people will say to you? Well, I actually never thought aboot that! It’s really good. I would tell anybody to go.
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I always wanted to take the full-on approach. When Danielle’s at school then I’ll dee stuff, but I’ll always be there for her when she comes home. I dinnae ken what I want to do, but I’ve got time. I would rather have a child at a young age. Just say that, at the prime of my career, I could fall pregnant and then I’d have to stop and have to start back from scratch. Having a child now, I’ve got the rest of my life to plan a career and be successful in it. Unless I fall pregnant again. But I think it’s wrong when people say that young mums have ruined their lives. No! Nae really. It’s done me a world of good. Danielle has totally changed my whole attitude to life. Some people still want the childhood where you can party and get drunk or whatever. But, nah. I’d rather bide in nowadays. It sounds like; Oh my god, you’re a pure party pooper! But I’d rather spend time with her. When I’m oot, and my mum’s got her, I’m on the phone; is she okay? My mum says, ‘She’s fine, just enjoy yourself!’ But, ken, I miss her, even if it’s just for a few hours. I did use to drink, nae every weekend actually. But, considering what I was then, I have really changed. I barely even drink now. I got invited out when Danielle was about four or five months and that was the first time I’d ever been in toon. I fell pregnant when I was 16, so I wisnae really legal anyway. But it sounds better, hehe! I never went into toon!
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You get 12, 13, 14-year olds going into toon in their short skirts and they cannae handle drink and they dinnae ken what they’re doing. I mean, adults get drunk and dinnae ken what they’re doing. Kids are ten times worse and a lot easier to take advantage of. But they don’t quite understand; they just want to go oot and party. I used to drink as a teenager, really young. A bottle of cider in the park, ken! As abody did. You used to think that it was cool. But it’s nae, hehe! Ken, it’s quite stupid.
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Some people grow up when they have kids. But not everybody… it either makes you or breaks you. But it’s nae just because you’re young. It’s a shame that young mothers are so criticised. We’re all judged. Sometimes - nae often - you hear people, sitting on the bus going, ‘See that quine, she’s only a bairn …’ I’m the kind of person, I’ll be like, ‘Excuse me, if you’ve got a problem just say it! I’m nae affecting your life, and I’m nae a bairn. I’m probably mair mature than you were when you were my age!’ But it’s quite arrogant. And for somebody, who’s maybe depressed, it’s really difficult. They might get ashamed, when they shouldnae be. And you can tell, when people are looking after their bairn. You can see that I’m doing a good job. She’s got the best start in life that she could ever have. So why is that a problem?
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There are heaps of other subjects. Many people have got problems wi all the people coming from Poland or wherever. I just use the Polish as an example because there are more here than from anywhere else. I’ve got some in my building and you couldn’t meet nicer people. Then you might get someone who could be annoying, but they are individuals. You cannae judge people just because they are from somewhere else or their skin is a different colour. People are like; it’s our country and they shouldnae be here. This is not our country! It’s nae like there’s a door you have to come in. I welcome anybody, because they’re only trying to make a better life for themselves. And if I had to do that for me and my daughter, then I would. Some people get annoyed if they are sitting in a shabby little hoose and this family from wherever gets a lovely big house. I can see why people would maybe think that’s unfair. You can maybe blame the government, but you cannae actually blame them. Ken, they are only coming over to start a life for their family or to make it better. They are nae doing anything wrong. We’ve got a lift and there was this Polish guy standing with his bicycle and I had Danielle. He was there before me but, when the lift came, he said, ‘In you go. I’ll wait for the next one.’ A lot of British people wouldn’t even dee that, and I thought that was so nice of him. And somebody might give him such a hell of a time for being here.
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You get income support and child tax credit and your child gets family allowance. But it disnae really add up to that much. You don’t have to pay rent but you’ve still got your electric and gas, council tax, TV license, food, plus toiletries and fitever you need. And then you’ve got to get stuff for your bairn. I write lists and mark off and add up. And sometimes I need mair than what I’ve actually got money for; it could come up to £60 and I’ve only got £50 in the bank. Oh my god, fit ye supposed to dee? And then you get in debt. Sometimes it could be a choice of paying council tax or nappies. That’s nae a hard decision! That’s you fallen back on council tax one week, and you can’t pay double next week. And it builds up. When it comes to birthdays, Christmases, things like that, you’ve got to save. I mean, you manage, and a lot of people are a lot worse off. There are grants that help you buy clothes and stuff. It’s good like that, but your child still needs a social life and experiences, especially when they get older. Sometimes you just don’t have the money to do it.
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It’s all aboot money, ken? Like nappies, they are so expensive cause they ken you’ve got to buy them. It annoys me. And your bairn needs to be changed a lot! I go up to Asda’s now and buy a big box of Pampers Active Fit for ten pounds and that’s like 60 nappies. It’s all right because I’ve got transport. But if you’ve nae got people to take you, you can only get them from round and about, and you’re wasting a lot of money. I’ve got nathing against people who use cheaper brands, but there are certain nappies that are too cheap and they’ll just fall to pieces. And it’s a shame that people have got to use them because they cannae afford any different. Mine lasts me a week and a bit. So, when you get money weekly that leaves you one week where you can buy something else, and the next week you’ll buy nappies. Even though I’m organised I’ve seen me totally miscounting and lost a tenner that I never even had because I thought my list was right. I must have counted wrong and it’s like; oh my god I really need this. And you have to go and say to somebody; look can I lend this money from you? I’m lucky because I’ve got a good mum who’s there for me when I need it. But a lot of people dinnae hae that.
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When my dad died, two years ago, I didn’t even have enough money to pay for his funeral. See how hard that is to deal with? You can’t even afford to gie your dad what you wanted to. He didn’t have insurance. Well he did, but he stopped paying it. I was pregnant and I had £200 in the bank that I had left from the maternity loan. I wanted to use that, but my mum said, ‘No you can’t, cause you need that for your bairn, you cannae risk to gie that awa.’ It was really difficult…
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Somebody told me the other day that her boyfriend spent £60 on a bracelet for her. And then she said to me that she could have used that for food. I thought to myself; no way, that is so true. You’re so proud you got this gift, but it’s the fact that the money could have gone much further. She loved it so much, but she could have bought food for that, she could have bought nappies. I kinda stepped back. Ken, people go oot and spend grants on a ring and they don’t have to worry aboot it. Sometimes you get jealous. You walk doon the street and see this person wearing this beautiful stuff and you envy them. Ken? It’s in your face everywhere. I look through the catalogues and think, I want that and that and that. And you’ll never get it. And then one day, maybe you get it and you’re like, Yeah!
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I wish they had started the regeneration earlier because I will be old by the time it happens! Haha! Anything to make it better… it would make it a lot nicer with houses. Everybody wants a door to themselves and a garden. But I just wonder fit they are gonna dee with the people. If they are building houses instead of blocks, there’s nae gonna be enough room for everybody. Where are they gonna move the people? I think there are a lot of questions. And just because Tillydrone is going to look different doesn’t mean that Tillydrone is going to be different.
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YES BALL GAMES! If somebody is annoying, all you’ve got to do is go out and say; excuse me, this is a bit annoying. And they will go awa. Be nice to them and they will be nice to you. A lot of these young people cause trouble because people shout at them. But I can have a decent conversation with them, as can you, as can Herman, anybody can speak to them. Show people some respect. Try a different approach. Some people dinnae understand that, but it’s only because they’ve nae tried.
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My final comment? Oh, I’ll probably think aboot it when I go awa… Don’t judge a book by its cover. Dinnae knock Tillydrone! Till you’ve met the people dinnae judge us. There you go…
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Recorded 1st May